I found these shorts at Target and I absolutely love them! The fit and inseam are perfect for me. So, I bought two! (The price was right). I haven't always felt comfortable wearing shorts though. Especially as I got older into my young adult years I became painfully more aware that the unsolicited comments don't stop after middle school. And I am not talking about modesty here.
Let's take it back old school for a minute.
Insecurity and/or low self esteem has been by far one of my biggest struggles. Insecurity seems to be the back drop of my entire life and consequently the main culprit for a majority of my poor decisions. Insert having a sensitive personality type and try to imagine how words would affect my self esteem.
It was probably middle school when I became aware of how other's felt about my "pale" skin. I knew how I felt about it but somehow the opinions of others shifted my own opinion. All the other girls were tan from hanging out in the sun and somehow the boys made sure I was constantly aware of the difference. I took their taunting and seemingly harmless teasing to heart and it affected the way I viewed myself. I started to believe my fair skin was ugly and eventually began to hate it.
And so, every summer I would dread the comments.
"Look how white your legs are!"
"You need some sun girl!"
"You should go tanning or something"
I tried it all. Tanning beds: I just could get my head to tell me it was ok, you know cancer and all. Tanning lotion: I hated every second of it. Too much upkeep. Spray tan: Nope, not for me either. Rather than go through all the trouble I just stopped wearing shorts.
It was t-shirts and jeans for this girl. That way I didn't have to hear the comments. I would take my boys to the pool and tried to wear my swimsuit with confidence, but I wasn't. I was self conscience the whole time, wondering if people thought my "pale" skin was ugly. Seem shallow? Maybe. Or, maybe it was the culmination of too many comments over the years that ultimately made me feel like my skin color was totally repulsive.
It took a really long time for me to start feeling confident in my own skin, literally.
Over the last 3 years I have been set free from this insecurity struggle in many ways and I am happy to tell you that at 30 years old, I wore my shorts all summer! Yes I did, every single day that I could, I did!. I did not feel self conscience. I felt confident and loved every minute of it. Only one person made a comment and it was my middle school aged son (What is it with middle school boys?) at which I just sluffed it off, then had a little conversation about how he shouldn't say things like that to other girls because it might affect them for a long time!
I wish I could say that I will wear my shorts confidently next summer too, but I am not so sure. I am unsure of how I would have felt this summer if I would have heard more comments. I probably would have bought these awesome shorts for nothing. But, I won't ponder that too much. I'll just write this shorts wearing summer 2014 as a triumph and a victory! One more step to walking in freedom and confidence as a good enough… white girl!
If you can relate to this in some way, what I want you to know is…
Haters gonna hate.
Seems simple enough but I know its not.
So whether its your eyes, hair, nose, chin, feet, whatever! I pray that you get set free girl! I pray that you rock those sandals with confidence. My hope is that you try that eye shadow you have wanted to try or you get that hair cut you've been to afraid to get and that you love every minute of it. The journey may be long but I pray that you find joy along the way. They say life's too short, so rock that outfit you've been dying to wear and walk in confidence.
