Grief is a Strange Friend

I saw a picture posted by my great-nephew of his father's grave site. In a split second I was overwhelmed and holding back tears because the ache swelled up in my heart. 

Grief is a strange friend.

I could picture it all. The moment I found out, the sinking feeling. The confusion. The anger. The shock. It all came flooding back. We lost him about 7 years ago just a month before his 27th birthday... 27th birthday... Typing that out makes it so real.

Grief is a strange friend.

When I settle in for the night I make sure my cell's not on silent. I use it as an alarm. But that action, every night I do it, reminds me of my dad. 

Grief is a strange friend. 

The morning my dad was taken to the ER my phone was on silent. I fell asleep before I could switch it over. Five missed calls at 5:30 am. My heart sank. 16 hours later I was refusing to believe that my dad was dying, pulling it together with just enough time to play his favorite song for him and watch his heart stop beating. That action, brings back that flood of fear, sadness, anger, confusion and disbelief.

Grief is a strange friend.

Then there are the ways it comforts. Pushing myself to finish that long walk. Because I can hear my dad's voice. Watching my boys grow up and seeing each little quirk or resemblance of the man they take after. The fact that I have my dad's hair, eyes and quiet spirit. 

Grief is a strange friend

The goofy stories I could tell of my nephew. The way we acted like brother & sister. The smile that comes when I think about how he drove me crazy and then I remember I'd give anything to have that back. 

Grief is a strange friend. 

So as we approach Memorial Day these two men are the ones I remember with an aching that will not be filled until I meet my maker. Two men that left this earth too soon for my liking and for reasons I don't need to know, because grief is a strange friend.

There are several others I miss that are near and dear to my heart. I remember them today too. The imprint of their legacy they left on my life. My grandparents, the most, two pillars of faith who I am certain prayed for my destiny. I certainly wouldn't be where I am without them! 

If you are grieving too, I encourage you to share here in the comments, the way you think grief is a strange friend. How it just pops up out of no where sometimes. And how you carry on without the ones you miss so bad it's hurts sometimes. And I want you to know that it's ok to have a good cry, I just did. Tears bring healing, this I know. And I'm thinking of you today friends :)