Grief is a Strange Friend

I saw a picture posted by my great-nephew of his father's grave site. In a split second I was overwhelmed and holding back tears because the ache swelled up in my heart. 

Grief is a strange friend.

I could picture it all. The moment I found out, the sinking feeling. The confusion. The anger. The shock. It all came flooding back. We lost him about 7 years ago just a month before his 27th birthday... 27th birthday... Typing that out makes it so real.

Grief is a strange friend.

When I settle in for the night I make sure my cell's not on silent. I use it as an alarm. But that action, every night I do it, reminds me of my dad. 

Grief is a strange friend. 

The morning my dad was taken to the ER my phone was on silent. I fell asleep before I could switch it over. Five missed calls at 5:30 am. My heart sank. 16 hours later I was refusing to believe that my dad was dying, pulling it together with just enough time to play his favorite song for him and watch his heart stop beating. That action, brings back that flood of fear, sadness, anger, confusion and disbelief.

Grief is a strange friend.

Then there are the ways it comforts. Pushing myself to finish that long walk. Because I can hear my dad's voice. Watching my boys grow up and seeing each little quirk or resemblance of the man they take after. The fact that I have my dad's hair, eyes and quiet spirit. 

Grief is a strange friend

The goofy stories I could tell of my nephew. The way we acted like brother & sister. The smile that comes when I think about how he drove me crazy and then I remember I'd give anything to have that back. 

Grief is a strange friend. 

So as we approach Memorial Day these two men are the ones I remember with an aching that will not be filled until I meet my maker. Two men that left this earth too soon for my liking and for reasons I don't need to know, because grief is a strange friend.

There are several others I miss that are near and dear to my heart. I remember them today too. The imprint of their legacy they left on my life. My grandparents, the most, two pillars of faith who I am certain prayed for my destiny. I certainly wouldn't be where I am without them! 

If you are grieving too, I encourage you to share here in the comments, the way you think grief is a strange friend. How it just pops up out of no where sometimes. And how you carry on without the ones you miss so bad it's hurts sometimes. And I want you to know that it's ok to have a good cry, I just did. Tears bring healing, this I know. And I'm thinking of you today friends :) 

Sometimes Moms have Headaches

An open letter to the grocery store cashier…

Dear well meaning cashier man,

Sometimes children yell when they are unhappy, want something they can't have, are in transition from one place to the next or sometimes they yell just because they are 3 (read they have only been on this earth for 3 short years). Have you ever yelled when you were overwhelmed? I'm going to bet, yes. 

Also sometimes moms have a massive headache and they are just trying to get home with that one last ingredient because well, dinner still has to be made (headache or not). So, when you see that within 30 seconds she diverted a tantrum from her toddler who only yelled once, what you should really do is high five that momma or give her a pat on the back by smiling and saying "you are doing an awesome job!" 

Because can I tell you that what she doesn't need is a snide remark about how "somebody is not behaving today" And can I tell you that yelling one time and then listening to your mom and coming back around in a matter of one minute, is certainly not misbehaving, in fact I'm pretty sure that would be considered listening. At least this momma of a 3 year old considers that listening. 

What you saw today sir was not an unruly child. What you saw was super mom in action. A mom who didn't know if she would be able to keep her eyes open the whole way home but she did. A mom who still had responsibilities well into the evening that couldn't be put on hold just because she was in pain.  A mom who kept her cool despite the looming activities ahead and the very normal behavior of a 3 year old in transition. Let's just keep it real, normal 3 year old behavior in general. 

I don't blame you well meaning cashier man. But what I could have really used in that moment, was a well done momma, you just keep on keeping on... Go on wich yo bad self! (Was that too much? Nah.) 

Sincerely,

Weary momma today, super mom always

I am thankful that the weariness only lasts through the night but The Lord brings joy in the morning. He is my strength and my portion ~amen!

And to you momma who are reading this and can identify, Go on wich yo bad self ;)