Daily Meanderings, Comings and Goings...

My mind goes about a mile a minute typically. I am quiet in the process though, sometimes confiding in one or the other but always with a trusted One. So I sit down to write it out and my mind, it just goes blank. I actually think that it is a form of stage fright. Every body else in blog land is better then I. They all have something to offer. A handmade business, printable, recipes, DIY's etc. etc. I act like I want 10,000 readers but the thought of THAt actually scares the crap out of me. Heck, having only one reader scares me. Why? Because I am insecure when it comes to writing.

I have grown significantly over the last two years. I have become more confident in many areas of life, marriage, parenting, socially, spiritually, professionally… but this writing thing, not so much. I don't struggle so much with confidence in my real everyday life anymore. But this online life I pretend to build. Yep, I struggle in the confidence department here.

So, as I was processing through this trickle of insecurity I asked myself, 'If I don't have recipes, DIY's, handmade craftings, etc. to offer this online world, what do I have to offer?' And the only thing that settled in my heart was Honesty. For the most part, I don't know how to be anything but honest. Sure, I am human, I bend the lines here and there, exaggerate a little or downplay often, try to get out of stuff without being 100% truthful. It happens to the best of us. But in my heart of hearts, I am pretty honest.

There is this line though. It is the Internet after all. Being honest means exposing myself, and thats opening a big can of insecurity there. Exposing myself to the global world! What? Why would anyone want to do that. Honestly, from where I sit right now, I don't know why people come here to expose themselves. But I do know when people are brave, brave enough to tell their stories, others are encouraged, built up and made hopeful. Reading others stories, lifted me out my depression after Max was born. And that is really why I write. To encourage, build and give hope.

But I get all squirmy because I don't have thousands of followers, or a blogging conference or products to sell you. Every time I come here to write something tells me that I have to have those things. Only the cool kids have blogs with thousands of followers, tutorials, grand ideas and giveaways. That is what keeps me from coming to this space. Insecurity. I am not a cool kid.

But why does that mean I can't come here and write my heart out? Why does that mean my blog isn't important?

It doesn't. And I know that.

Now, I just need to believe it.

So when you come here, you probably won't find an ground breaking DIY or the tastiest recipe. But you will find my heart, my real, honest, grace seeking heart.

I apologize for being gone so long… It's April already, did you know that? I am back now. And I hope to get a little more serious about this here space. Not too serious though ;)

Blessings to you!