The Crazy Girl

I am a feeler. I feel things deep in my bones. When I feel it, there's no containing what is inside. It wells up in my heart and spills out my eyes. I try to stop it, stifle it, hold back. There is no use. I am the crazy girl who cries... All. The. Time.

Do you remember the movie Cheaper by the Dozen? I cried when beans the frog died and the little boy runs away. 

The Notebook, tears 90% of the movie. 

John Q, as soon as that little boy collapses on the baseball field I am a  mess until the end. A. MESS. 

I took my oldest to see the new movie Frozen on New Years Day. Five minutes into the movie I look over and say "I am already crying!" Needless to say he just rolled his eyes. (Great movie by the way!)

So it should come as no surprise that I am the crazy girl who cries during worship. Yep, that's me. I am standing there singing (terribly) the words on the screen, hands raised to show praise to my King, minding my own business... Then BAM the Holy Spirit falls and I am a rushing waterfall. Sometimes I try to squelch Him because I don't want people to know I am crazy. I don't want to scare them away and all that jazz. 

But there is no use. I am dripping with the spirit and my Kleenex are drenched in snot and tears. 

So I try to forget about the people to my left and right. I try to push through my flesh and worship God with my Spirit. I try to lay it all at His feet and worship in truth. 

I try not to care what everyone else thinks. 

Inevitably, someone will ask "Are you ok? Is everything ok with you?" And I will answer "Yeah I am just the crazy girl who cries during worship" 

I just can't praise my Jesus without the tears flowing.

And I leave with a full heart, standing taller, breathing easier, sitting quietly before my Lord. 

It's a mystery really.