Worship {Day 18.0}

Praising God brings freedom and healing. I wanted to share this playlist with you because I know the freedom that getting alone with God can bring. 

So, I have a dare! I dare you to find some quiet time alone either today or sometime this week, turn on this playlist, let the lyrics settle on your heart and watch the Holy Spirit fill you up! Bring your heart before God and let him dance over you! Worship Him with abandon! 

(I want you to know that I wish this was a common practice for me, I have challenged you but I am challenging me too!) 

**The playlist is like an hour long, but just pick a song maybe one or two (at least the first two) and focus on what God has for you through that**

Recognizing Your Strengths & Believing Those in Your Corner {Day 19.0 & 20.0}

Day 19.0

For so long I saw some of my strengths as weakness... Sometimes I still do. But I have realized that sometimes what we see as flaws are really assests that have brought us to where we are. And some weakness can be used as strengths.

One of my biggest struggles to accept is my quietness. I was reminded of this recently as I sat feeling mostly alone in a room full of people that I did not know very well, that do not know me very well, in surroundings I was unfamiliar with. So I sat quietly, painfully aware of how quietness comes across. These are the moments when I need reminded that being quiet is a strength I can use... I am still learning how to do that. But even this is progress. For my whole life I thought there was something WRONG with me because I was more quiet than most others. But as I begin to understand that part of me better, the more of an asset it becomes and the more confident I become. And in the moments I succomb to the old lies I remind myself that what matters most is what is on the inside, not what others see from the outside. 

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (1 Peter 3:4 NIV) 

 It's hard for me to talk about my strengths. I struggle to sit here and type out the things I have recognized as strengths either by myself or through someone else. But I think it is important for us to be able to point out our strengths especially for the sake of ourselves. So I want to list some of my strengths I have recognized overtime and through the help of others. Won't you do the same? 

Ready? Go!

Quiet 

Compassionate

Introspective

Conscientious  

Go with the flow

Dedicated

Loyal

Perseverance

Resilient

Always seeking growth

Adaptable 

Quick learner 

Observant

Committed

Peacemaker

Solution based

(Once I got going, it became easier to think of more strengths) 

Day 20.0

 I love this quote because it reminds me that I must believe the things, those who love me, say about me. Sometimes it just so hard to believe good things that others say about me. I tend to be incredibly hard on myself... That's likely and understatement. So when someone who loves me says they see a greatness in me, I don't believe them. 

The key to thriving in this area, is belief! 

Believe the people who are in your corner. And for those who aren't? In the epically epic words of Sugar Brown "ain't nobody got time for dat"  

So listen to the people who are in you corner, and believe them! Let them speak truth, encouragement and life into you. 

I am most certainly preaching to myself here too. 

As always, thank you for following along

Love,

~jimmie lee 

Self Care : Learning What I Need {Day 17}

Self care is very important as a mom and even just as a human being. It took me quite some time to realize this and to practice it without guilt! I have been a momma for almost 14 years! Okay, let's just say 14 because seriously folks, next week my first born will be 14. Yes you can all pray for me. I actually do not know what it is like to make decisions just for me. I had to start making decisions for another person when I could barely make decisions for myself. Then I went and chose a serving field for my profession. So, basically my whole life revolves around taking care of other people and making sure their needs are met. It can be really easy to forget about yourself when you are taking care of others.

I read something a while back that made perfect sense to me and changed my whole perspective on self care. The idea I came across was 'mothering ourselves'. I mean Whoa! Makes complete sense right? As women we spend so much time mothering others, who is mothering us? Or more clearly, we treat our children (and others we care for) with care why would we not treat our selves with care? This concept of being my own mother was so eye opening to me, it took away my mom guilt when it comes to caring for myself. 

So I started paying attention to those things I need that give me a little breath of life. There are things I need that keep me going, things I actually crave. I need to have alone time, like really alone with no one else around. If I am not getting enough time by myself (and truly I don't need too much) then I start doing things like zoning out on Facebook :( So I know if I want to care for my people well, I need to be alone sometimes and I don't feel guilty about it. Please understand that this does not mean I don't want to be around my people it just means I need time to be with me, just like I need to be alone with my husband sometimes to keep our marriage healthy. 

I also need to spend time with women. I need to have time to connect with other life giving women. I struggled in the past to connect with other women. Over the last few years, God has really put some good, life giving, encouraging women in my life.  If I am not spending enough time connecting with these women, I start to get grumpy :/ 

One of my most favorite things to do is sit in a cozy little coffee shop, sip coffee, nibble a scone, people watch, listen to music and write or draw. I don't get to do this often enough but man oh man does it refresh my soul. 

Some other little things that make me feel cool and confident are:

nail polish

wearing makeup 

getting some highlights in my hair every once in a while

showers, long hot showers! 

wearing a flower in my hair

cute and fun notebooks

colorful sharpies

reading 

sparkles, glitter and lace

oh, and pretty coffee mugs!

Taking care of yourself is so important and I know it can sometimes seem difficult to keep up or self care gets a back seat, but think about some little ways you can start taking care of yourself today. 

How can you be your own mother today? 

Love, 

~jimmie lee 

Who You Were Created to Be, Knowing Your Purpose {Day 15 & 16}

In order to get caught up and back on track, this is day 15 and 16 of 31 days of Thriving…

{Day 15.0} Purpose

I want to take a moment to talk about knowing who God made you to be and knowing your purpose. I could write for days about this subject! So I will try to keep this plain and simple. 

I struggled for years wondering if I would ever know my purpose. I would get agitated and irritated when preachers would talk about purpose. That super popular book from a few years back, "Purpose Driven Life", I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I thought I might know what my purpose was but I was never really sure and I was kind of upset that God wouldn't just reveal MY purpose. So I shut down, hide away from it and stuffed it all down inside. 

I'll be honest its still difficult for me to pinpoint just one purpose God has for me. I have had many different purposes in many different seasons of my life. Right now, I have about 5 different roles or purposes I could talk about. I used to think you could only have one. What I want you to know today is, your ultimate purpose is to worship God, to serve Him, to love and be loved by Him and to bring His kingdom here to earth. This will look different for each one of us. So if you are struggling with finding your purpose, remember this, God said to love Him, love your neighbor and spread the gospel. Amen? 

Once this is revealed to you and you see this, your whole world will change. Once you understand this truth you will walk out each purpose God has given you with confidence and grace.

One last thing about purpose, it is a process, just like thriving is a process. Your purpose may shift and change, morph and mold into many things over time. Just walk it out with the Holy Spirit, He guides and directs our steps. 

{Day 16.0} Who You Were Created To Be

I asked God to show me who he created me to be. He answered, and is still answering. Its funny how I thought that I was one way but listened to so many lies, its not who I was at all. Listening to voices that didn't matter, that had no weight or bearing on my identity certainly confused me. That on top of being in an unhealthy relationship and becoming a mom at such a young age had me searching for my identity and coming up mostly empty handed. I made decisions based off of what I thought everyone else wanted. I based my plans off of what I thought I had to do instead of truly doing what was best. I guess we all pretty much do that. We do what we think is best at the time. But through this process I lost myself. I needed God to bring me back to myself, to the person he created me to be. 

I am still learning how to walk that out. I am learning little by little how to walk out who I am in confidence. The latest revelation is learning to dance without apologizing. Yep, thats what I am working on right now;) 

I am so thankful to God for the people He has placed around me in this season. I have never had so many people surrounding me who recognize my strengths, appreciate my gifts and encourage me to keep doing me. Ahh, its like a dream! When I count my blessings, that is one of them. 

I can't talk about discovering who God created you to be with out talking about this book, Captivating by John and Stasi Eldrege. This book was like a volcano erupting inside me. Captivating helped to really propel me forward in walking out who God created me to be. And I believe it will do the same for you. This is a book I will keep going back to for sure. You should check it out. (No they are not paying me anything to say that, I just truly love this book and want to share it with you!) 

Thanks for following along on day 15 & 16!

Love, 

~jimmie lee 

Count Your Blessings / Be More Intentional {Day 13.0 & 14.0}

I fell behind a little so this is day 13 and 14 in the same post. Thanks for sticking with me. 

{Day 13.0} Count your Blessings

I was having a hard time figuring out what I wanted to write for this post. I used the term 'count your blessings' but I feel like this term is a bit cliche. A phrase we overuse as commonplace. So when I use these words what I mean is looking at things with a thankful heart. 

I'll admit it, I was a complainer. In my 'just surviving' days I would focus on everything I thought I didn't have, things I thought would make my life better or easier. Counting your blessings is more about the heart. Am I thankful for all that God has given me? Am I thankful for His love, mercy and grace? Is my heart right before God? Or do I just just grumble and complain all the time.
I still have some work to do for sure, but I try to keep my heart in check with these questions.
The Word says… give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
I Thessalonians 5:18 NIV
This is not always easy to do but we must try. It reminds me of this image I saw the other morning,

I just love that illustration. You may have been handed a cactus but you don't have to sit on it and you  don't have to stay there. 

Paul charges us to give thanks in all circumstances because he knows the freedom that come from thanksgiving! 

There is always something to be thankful for. 

{Disclaimer: I had to get to a place mentally and spiritually to be able to say these things with faith and belief. If you are in a place where these things are difficult, please don't feel condemned. I write about these things to encourage you so that you know that you won't always be where you are, there is a hope that things will be different, that things can be different} 

{Day 14.0} Being More Intentional

Some of these things that I write about are things that I am still working on. Being intentional is definitely one of those areas. I am an introvert so I tend to spend a lot of time "in my own head". Ask my mom, she can vouch for this. When I was in my 'just surviving' days, I spent an embarrassing amount of time throwing myself pity parties. Another struggle of mine is being passive aggressive. So if I don't want to deal with something, I ignore it, i.e. filling that time with something else and usually less productive. So I was moving through my days just going through the motions, doing what I had to but without purpose or intention. 

I had to make changes. I had to get outside myself and stop being so selfish. I had to start focusing on others rather than myself. As a side note I would like to add that learning how to actually care for myself allowed me to then take care of others better. You know the whole put your oxygen mask on first then your child's. This is smart advice. 

I am learning more and more what being intentional looks like, in my own family and outside my family with friends, at church and at work. It can look different from day to day and from person to person. But what I do know for sure is that being more intentional involves purpose and focus. So I am trying to move through my days with purpose and intention, focusing on the things that matter. 

Thank you so much for following along this journey with me! I hope that you are encouraged to thrive!  

Love, 

~jimmie lee

31 Days of Thriving {Day 12}

Cut The Comparison Trap {Day 11.0}

We all have fallen in to this trap once or twice, or a thousand times. The endless cycle of evaluating our worst parts to our neighbors highlight reel and then feeling sorry for ourselves because we don't measure up. I have believed so many lies about myself because I have let myself fall into the comparison trap one too many times. It's silly really, the things I have let myself feel 'less than' for. 

One important thing I had to do was cut myself off from some things. There were a few bloggers I had to step back from because I just couldn't handle it. I let their posts turn me all shades of green with envy, it's embarrassing really. But that's one of the negatives to living life online, you see into people's lives more so then we ever did in the past. So I had to ask myself a question and I decided it best to just cut it out because then the temptation wasn't there. If I think about it, I still struggle a little with why I had to cut certain blogs out, but really I couldn't STOP comparing so I had to let it go. Obviously, I'm still working this one out. 

I had to unsubscribe from most store emails because well, I really love clothes and I can't afford the habit. Same reason I had to take a step back from spending so much time on Pinterest. 

I also stopped watching TV. I used to watch bad day time television and man was it depressing. But it also messes with head so I had to let it go. I decided to turn it on during the day one time this week and quickly remembered why I stopped watching. It didn't stay on to long after that. I now watch less than a hand full of shows and most of the time I watch them either on demand or online when I get the chance. This change made a big difference in my quality of life and my ability to thrive. 

I remember talking to myself saying things like, 'I wish I was more outgoing like her', 'I wish I had her wardrobe', or "I wish I could be more like him'. I was always wishing I was someone else instead of just being me. Once I made some shifts in my thinking, I was able to start focusing on who I was made to be. I started looking at those things I'd wished I had or could be more like, as that persons strengths. I began to recognize and accept my own strengths. So instead of comparing myself as less than all the time, I began recognizing that we all have a part to play. 

The key was finally realizing what my part was! 

Again this took a lot of work and it was a process to get there. I prayed, sought and found. 

If you need out of the comparison trap today, lay it at the feet of Jesus. He is faithful! 

I am having so much fun on this 31 day journey! 

Thanks for following along with me :)

Love,

~jimmie lee

Learning to Rest {Day 10.0}

Rest is not always an easy thing to do. Especially intentional rest. I'll just be real for a minute, I like my rest. Not having a schedule or an agenda is one of my favorite ways to spend my day. I crave down time. 

I have had several seasons in my life where I was either running myself ragged or I was an absolute lazy bones. Neither one is healthy. During my busy season, I felt guilty when I rested. During my lazy season, I felt guilty when I rested. And truth be told, in either situation, I was not truly resting. 

I had to learn to balance. It's tricky. I am sure you know that. But as I learned more about who I was and how I was made, it was easier for me to find the balance. I learned that I probably need more rest then most people, and that that's ok. It doesn't mean I am any less than them. I am no less of a mom, wife, friend, employee or woman because I need more rest than my counterparts. Once I recognized this truth I could rest without guilt! 

Now, I try to listen to what my body needs and the key to thriving in this area (at least for me) is making sure I don't feel guilty for resting. When I give myself what I need I can treat my people better. 

God actually commands His people to rest. Our Heavenly Father knows how important it to rest. His love for us gives us permission to rest without shame or guilt. So as I still try to maintain the balance, I trust that God will bless my rest.

Rest might look different for each one of us and it may look different from day to day. Sometimes rest means actual sleep, other times is means not making dinner or doing chores that night. Sometimes rest is laying down in a quiet place with the intention of resting my body. Other times it is reading a book, drawing, crocheting or listening to music. Sometimes rest just means cutting off the noise, no phone, internet, television, shutting it all out and focusing on what is right under my nose. 

It's a process knowing what type of rest I need but the better I get at listening to what I need the better I treat those around me. I no longer rest because I am just to exhausted to go on anymore. I rest because I need it and I try my best to make it an intentional thing. 

How can you begin to incorporate rest into your routine? 

Thanks for reading! 

Love,

~jimmie lee

Making Connections {Day 9.0}

For most of my teenage/adult life I had so many walls built up I had a difficult time making connections and building community. I was extremely insecure, judgmental, and untrusting. I was living in a way that was me against the world, as if people were the enemy.  When I think back to those days, it's a wonder I had any friends at all, let alone meeting and keeping my now husband. The people who have remained in my life from that time period are the few people who were willing to break down those walls. And truly how can you expect people to do the hard work of breaking down walls? 

It's really hard to survive on our own, we surely can't thrive alone.

 Like the Tenth Avenue North song says: 

No man is an island, we can be found

No man is an island, let your guard down

You don't have to fight me, I am for you

We're not meant to live this life alone. 

I was so sick of fighting against everyone. I was fed up with all the walls I had built to keep the pain out. I was tired of feeling alone all the time. I knew it was bigger than me and that I would need God's help tearing down my ginormous walls.

 I began praying that Jesus would tear down the walls. I asked that He would reveal the community that was already right in front of me. And He did, because God is faithful! 

It took time. It was a process, as most growth is.

God guided and directed my steps. You can't put God in a box either, he used some pretty disappointing, frustrating and unjust situations to bring me community, support and encouragers. But isn't that how God works a lot of the time? Turning bad into good. 

Before I could make connections and build that community I longed for, I had to crush the walls. And in order for me to keep that growth and continue to build community I need to be careful not to let those walls pop back up. Because, let's be honest, people can hurt you. I think the key is to first trust God. Trust that he will bring you the community you need and that no matter what happens he works out everything for the good of those who love Him. And listen to the Holy Spirit, lean not on your own understanding. 

I pray that in each new situation I find connections and community, encouragers and supporters. 

I pray that I continue to learn to love people and to trust that God is working things out for good. 

If you feel alone. If you are aching for community and encouragers. Start praying. 

I pray that God will send community to you. I pray that He will keep his sovereign hand on your life and that he will provide exactly what you need, exactly where you are. In Jesus name, Amen!

Thank you for being on this journey with me!

Love,

~jimmie lee

#SpeakLife {Day 8.0}

I remember an illustration our Pastor gave one Sunday during his sermon. He was speaking on the measure we pour out and how when we speak we our pouring out what we have been given. He used a basin and pitcher of water, dumping the water into the empty basin. The pitcher represented us and the basin was what we poured out into someone else. He said something during his sermon that struck a chord with me, as he so often does. He was talking about how our words have power. He explained that when we speak words like calling someone and idiot or stupid or whatever the case may be, we are speaking into their lives and it has an effect on them. The thing that struck me the most was when he said"your are speaking something into their life that they didn't ask for." I sat back and thought ...Wow! I have spoke words, ugly words into many peoples lives that have effected them in a way that they didn't ask for. My ugly words could be the reason for someone's pain. Thats heavy… 

I have always been fairly careful with my words, not the best, but I try. But this idea of speaking unwanted things into someone's life really made me take a look at the way I say things. Especially to my husband and my ever developing children. I know that the way you word things (as well your tone) can have a different result depending on which words you choose. I am not the best at it all the time but this is one of those things that I am passionate about and try to work on. Even the smallest changes make a difference. 

Not long after this, I read a blog post from Jess Connolly in which she talked about speaking life. Jess really inspires me to strive for better but not in a try hard way, in a lean on God's grace way. Her post (which I'm sorry I can't find right now) talked about not only speaking life but staying away from speaking 'death', staying away from gossip, building each other up instead of judging and comparing. And so I put that phrase into my regular vocabulary (and I bought this mug!) because I want to focus on being a life giver not a life drainer. 

"In every encounter we either give life or we drain it, there is no neutral exchange." ~Brennan Manning

In order for me to speak life into someone else I had to start speaking life into my own life.

Proverbs 18:21(NKJV) ~Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it's fruit.~

Start speaking life into your own situations and it will overflow into those around you. You can only give back what you have been given. 

Small changes can make a big difference :) 

Hopefully this post gave you a little bit of an idea of how God speaks to me through others and how it really is a process of transforming and renewing your mind.

Thanks for reading!

Love, 

~jimmie lee

Renew Your Mind {Day 7.0}

I thought I'd be a pessimist forever. I was the QUEEN of negative self talk. It played in my head all day long. I would walk away from uncomfortable situations and berate myself and scrutinize over every little detail.

It was a horrible way to live actually.

I HAD to transform my thinking. I had to change my perspective. 

I began filling myself with truth. I would read God's word and seek answers. God would always send me something I needed to hear or learn. He would speak to me and teach me things through his word, music, book studies, other people and a multitude of other ways. Before I knew it (quite literally) my thinking had shifted from negative 100% of the time to negative only about 50% of the time. (I am totally making these numbers up by the way. But I'm sure you understand the illustration) 

Then one day, someone told me that they thought I was always positive. I chuckled a little at the thought. I still didn't feel like I was a positive thinker. So, I started paying attention. Turns out, I am no longer a 'die hard' pessimist. Learning to shift my thinking has changed my life. It had taken me from surviving to thriving.

It took a lot of hard work on my end and a whole lotta God's grace to get to a place where I could even entertain the idea of thinking more positively. I was so bogged down with unnecessary burdens I couldn't see myself or my life any differently than what it was. As I was being transformed I got to a place where I was just so sick of my stinking thinking that I knew I had to do something different. I couldn't just take life laying down anymore. Once I got to that place, a place where I could see better, I began looking for the positives. This transformation has open new opportunities and relationships for me that I never would have had otherwise. Nixing the negativity was the starting point to seeing myself in a new way and ultimately seeing me the way God sees me.

Today, if you are in a place where you can not even entertain a positive thought and it seems like your life will always be this way, I want to tell you that there is HOPE! God has a plan for you. I know he does because I have been in your shoes, I felt the same things and even though I knew God had a plan for me I didn't think I would ever find out what it was. But He has taken me through a process and he has been faithful through it all. When you get to the place where you no longer dwell on the negative, because I know you will, you will look back and see God's faithful hand on you the entire way. There is hope, hold onto that hope!

Thank you for following along on this 31 day journey. You can catch up on my other posts here.

Love,
~jimmie lee

Thriving Today {Day 6.0}

Sometimes thriving looks like it did today. Moving through the day fluidly with an uplifted spirit. Work, board meeting, home, dinner, dishes, laundry, relaxing and spending time with my people. 

Sometimes thriving looks different. Staying in my pj's all day, cuddling with my toddler, sleeping in, drinking coffee and reading books. 

Since I started focusing on the idea of thriving a few months ago, most of my days are filled with encouragement, happiness and joy. Even when things gets rough, or too much to handle, I don't let it get me in funk. I push through it, trying to figure it out, coming up with solutions instead of sulking for days. 

Things that are helping me thrive through my days:

Being more optimistic; looking for the positives

Trying to be more of a life giver

Making connections

Knowing when to rest

Less of the comparison trap

Counting my blessings

Being more intentional

Knowing my purpose

Knowing who God made me to be

Learning what I need

Recognizing my strengths

Taking it one day at time

Believing what the people who love me, say about me. 

Getting stronger everyday

I will be talking more in depth about these things through out this 31 day process. 

Thanks for following along!
Love,
~jimmie lee

Areas of Improvement {Day 4.0 & 5.0}

{Day 4.0}

One thing that is true about me is I am passionate about personal growth. There is always room for improvement. This is something that is important to me. I try to wake up every day and take better steps toward the future. I don't look at personal growth like "I am not good enough, I need to change" anymore.  Now my perspective is more like "It is important for me to be the best me for my people." When I am the best me I can be then I can influence everyone around me to do the same! 

So I thought it prudent to address some of the areas in my life that need a little progress toward thriving.

1. More dates! 

I need to carve out more time to date my husband. We both have jobs, are involved in ministry, have hobbies we love and we have two boys! Plus, we both love our down time. And we enjoy our kids, so often times we don't make dates a priority. This needs to start, stat! ;)

I also need to start dating my kids. I need to make it a priority to spend one on one time with them with the soul purpose of just focusing on them. 

2. House keeping…

I'll keep this short and simple. I am not a home maker. I lack in the domestic housewife department. I used to let that bring me down but… my husband is happy and my kids are happy so, it doesn't bother me anymore. Well, I try not to let it bother me anymore. So that said, I may never conquer house keeping but I would like to get to a place of thriving… not surviving in this area.

3. Relationships
I have built up friendships over the last year that I didn't have before. I want to thrive in each of these relationships. So, I want to get better at reaching out more and meeting up more often. Not one of my friendships looks the same. Thats what I love about how God brings friends together. I want to get better at speaking life into those around me and building up by cultivating kindness.

I'll just start with three areas, as progress is made other things fall into place. Again thats what I love about God and living in relationship to him. He goes before me and stands behind me!

What are some areas you might need to look at to get to a place of thriving?
Remember thriving is a process but if you have things you can change, start small. 

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{Day 5.0}

Encouragement for your day. 

We were made to thrive. 

Surviving Vs.Thriving {Day3.0}

{This post is pretty raw and honest! But this is what God has put on my heart to write.}

Yesterday I asked a couple questions. So I thought I would try and answer them today!

I remember what Surviving looked like for me:

When I first got married I had our life all planned. Don't we all make that mistake at some point? Soon my world came crashing down when I realized I couldn't do it all. I was just graduated from school, no job, new home and we were on our own with this keeping a house and parenting thing. (Up until this point my oldest and I had lived with my parents, who are such a blessing) I was working part time at a job I got through a friend and had nothing to do with my field. I was miserable. I would come home try to make a homemade dinner and then get my son to soccer or piano or somewhere by a certain time and  at the same time my husband had to work long hours. Did you read that all in one breath? Because yeah, life was pretty much exhausting. I would literally come home from work crying, sobbing, every single night and no one saw. I would shut myself in my room, cry my eyes out, then pull myself together and act like everything was ok. 

One night, my mom looked at me and said, "Jimmie Lee you don't have to be super mom" I felt relieved… But I was still trying to be super mom and super wife and I just was not cutting it. 

The next 5 years were filled with so many job changes I lost track. My dream, my plan, was to graduate with a Master's degree, find a full-time job in a school and live happily ever after. That never happened. 

I became pregnant with my youngest in 2010. I was thrilled and excited to be pregnant with a second! But pregnancy is not my friend and I spent 9 months exhausted and wondering if I could really pull off this mom thing. I was working full time then and would come home and pass out on the couch from exhaustion. When I would wake up I would realize that my then 10 year old had made himself something to eat and I would spend the rest of the night feeling guilty, sad, angry and exhausted. 

Needless to say, life looked nothing like I had planned. 

After Maxson was born, I struggled with postpartum depression. Instead of trying to hard, I just stopped trying. I would go to bed at night dreading the next day. My alarm would go off in the morning and I would stay in bed. I didn't even care. I would finally make myself get up, usually because Max needed me. And somehow I would make it to work. I did the bare minimum at work and at home. I wasn't thriving. I was just surviving.

I don't know what thriving would have looked like then. 

The Free Online Dictionary defines the word thrive like this, 

1. To make steady progress, prosper

2. To grow vigorously, flourish

What thriving would look like to me:
As I was pulled up & out of the pit I described myself as a flower bud waiting to bloom. Little buds need some TLC to flourish and grow to a beautiful prosperous flower. And God gave me exactly the things I needed to get to a place of thriving, to bloom and grow. I'd like to interject that getting out of the pit was a long a process for me and there were many people along the way that kept me going. My growth didn't just happen over night but I definitely made steady progress and once out of the pit, I didn't slip back in. I finally had the right conditions to fully bloom. (Although I would argue that I still have some progress to make!)
I have people surrounding me in all of my circles that build me up and encourage me. During my depression, when I was in survival mode, I isolated myself, put up walls. So my family and (few) friends were there for me but at work and at church… I was just going through the motions. I was there, but felt invisible. So when I say I have people in all of my circles, this is what I am talking about. I have made friendships at work and at church. Every where I go I have a connection with someone who sees me for who I am and accepts me and hey (!), they actually like me!!! What? This has been so important in my journey to joy and thriving.
I still stay up late at night, but not because I am trying to avoid the next day.
I still have a little bit of a hard time getting out of bed, but thats just because bed is really comfy and I still like sleep :)
I still drink coffee but its not the second thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. I actually just enjoy drinking coffee, its not a crutch anymore.
I still check Facebook, but its an afterthought, not the first thing I think about when I wake up.
I always want to be with my family but I actually want to go to work each day. I still cherish my days off because this introvert needs some rest and down time.
I go to church ready to praise God. I don't walk in weary and anxious. (Although sometimes you know, it is what it is. And God just takes us as we are! Praise God right?)
There is still progress to be made, but I don't go to bed dreading the next day!

I understand myself better. I know what I need to thrive.
Those parts of me I always thought were weaknesses, I now know are strengths!
I am confident.
I love myself and I love others. Period.
I could never say these things before… ever.

Life is still busy, and can be heavy at times, but I go to bed thankful with a full heart most nights. I am no longer burdened by own thoughts, I can see others burdens and speak life into them.

It is amazing how things can change when you feel valued, accepted and appreciated by those who surround you.

I really want to look at how I could continue to thrive if my environment changes and the conditions are no longer right. My hope is that throughout this 31 days of writing, I will come to some kind of conclusion about this. 

Thanks for reading along!

love,

~jimmie lee

The Past Is The Past {Day 2.0}

2.0

I remember what is was like to be there, in the darkness. I remember what it was like to not care about anything, anymore. I would sit on my couch for hours a day, on Facebook and Twitter. Sometimes I would search for blogs, anyone with encouraging words because I was just so desperate, other times I would be there for no reason at all. I would scroll through my newsfeed over and over again reading the same crap. My dishes would pile up and I would sit there staring at the wall because I just couldn't bring myself to do them. Not because I was tired from being busy and productive but because I literally just did not care that they were piling up. I was tapped out, zoned out and unengaged 98% of the time. I remember what it was like when I was just surviving through my days. I remember what it felt like at the end of the night to lay my head on the pillow and cry because I was wasting my life.

Oh I would show up at work and do my job but I didn't care about doing it well. I would show up at church but it felt like I was grasping for straws. I was physically present at home, but mentally and emotionally checked out. 

I was barely surviving and no where near thriving. 

I would get better for a while but fall right back into the depression. I had finally had it one day and decided I couldn't keep on living this way. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. So I made a phone call and took a brave step to talk to someone. It was one of the best decisions I had made in a long long time. This was the catalyst to me living my life by thriving instead of surviving. It has been a couple of years since then, and I am so thankful to be out of the pit. 

I remember the first time I joyfully laughed and meant it. My baby was about 2 years old and I was giving him a bath. He did something cute and I looked at him and just smiled and laughed and I whole heartedly meant it. I didn't just do it because I felt like I had to, it was purposeful and engaged. And I "Facebooked" about it. "Tonight I smiled on purpose", my status said. That simple yet powerful realization propelled me forward on my journey. 

I made a choice to take this journey to get healthy and well. I have done so much hard work toward joy and God has been guiding and directing me along the way. I am doing the work but He is changing me from the inside out. He is so faithful to fulfill His purpose in me. 

Today I can honestly say that I am in thrive mode not survive mode. 

I would love for you to take this 31 day journey with me. So if you would,  I have a couple of questions:
What does it look like to just survive?
&

What would thriving look like to you?

Much Love,

~jimmie lee

{31 Days} of Thriving

I am joining in for the first time with The Nester and a ton of other brilliant people for her 31 Days of writing challenge. If you want to know more about 31 Days, click here!

Scroll down to read {Day 1}

{Day 2.0}

{Day 3.0}

{Day 4.0 & 5.0}

{Day 6.0}

{Day 7.0}

{Day 8.0}

{Day 9.0}

{Day 10.0}

{Day 11.0}

{Day 13.0 & 14.0}

{Day 15.0 & 16.0}

A Synopsis 

Last year, I decided to pick a word for my 29th year. The word I chose was, ROOTED. My basis for choosing the word rooted was that I wanted to be that beautiful 80 year woman at the front of the church who prays for everyone and is on fire for Jesus. My idea was that I want to be so rooted in Chist, that the above description would be the end result. What that word really taught me was that before I can be rooted, God had some roots to dig out and get rid of. And so I came out of my 29th year with fresh roots to build my foundation on. I was like a little flower bud starting to bloom. 

As I approached my 30th year, I knew I wanted to choose another word again. I wasn't quite sure what it would be on the day I turned 30. Several days later, the word was written on my heart. For my 30th year I am choosing the word, THRIVE. So it only made sense to write for 31 days on thriving. 

For starters, take a listen to this song by Casting Crowns. 

My very well thought out plan (that's sarcasm right there folks) is to post each day about my journey to thrive, not just survive. I have high hopes to stick with this 31 days of writing. In the end it may look nothing like I planned, but my prayer is that God has his way in teaching me how to thrive!

Will you come back tomorrow for Day #2 ? 

Thanks for reading! 

Much Love,

~jimmie lee

I Wore My Shorts All Summer

OR Let's Talk About Insecurity 

I found these shorts at Target and I absolutely love them! The fit and inseam are perfect for me. So, I bought two! (The price was right). I haven't always felt comfortable wearing shorts though. Especially as I got older into my young adult years I became painfully more aware that the unsolicited comments don't stop after middle school. And I am not talking about modesty here. 

Let's take it back old school for a minute. 

Insecurity and/or low self esteem has been by far one of my biggest struggles. Insecurity seems to be the back drop of my entire life and consequently the main culprit for a majority of my poor decisions. Insert having a sensitive personality type and try to imagine how words would affect my self esteem. 

It was probably middle school when I became aware of how other's felt about my "pale" skin. I knew how I felt about it but somehow the opinions of others shifted my own opinion. All the other girls were tan from hanging out in the sun and somehow the boys made sure I was constantly aware of the difference. I took their taunting and seemingly harmless teasing to heart and it affected the way I viewed myself. I started to believe my fair skin was ugly and eventually began to hate it. 

And so, every summer I would dread the comments. 

"Look how white your legs are!" 

"You need some sun girl!"

"You should go tanning or something" 

I tried it all. Tanning beds: I just could get my head to tell me it was ok, you know cancer and all. Tanning lotion: I hated every second of it. Too much upkeep. Spray tan: Nope, not for me either. Rather than go through all the trouble I just stopped wearing shorts. 

It was t-shirts and jeans for this girl. That way I didn't have to hear the comments. I would take my boys to the pool and tried to wear my swimsuit with confidence, but I wasn't. I was self conscience the whole time, wondering if people thought my "pale" skin was ugly.  Seem shallow? Maybe. Or, maybe it was the culmination of too many comments over the years that ultimately made me feel like my skin color was totally repulsive. 

It took a really long time for me to start feeling confident in my own skin, literally. 

Over the last 3 years I have been set free from this insecurity struggle in many ways and I am happy to tell you that at 30 years old, I wore my shorts all summer! Yes I did, every single day that I could, I did!. I did not feel self conscience. I felt confident and loved every minute of it. Only one person made a comment and it was my middle school aged son (What is it with middle school boys?) at which I just sluffed it off, then had a little conversation about how he shouldn't say things like that to other girls because it might affect them for a long time! 

I wish I could say that I will wear my shorts confidently next summer too, but I am not so sure. I am unsure of how I would have felt this summer if I would have heard more comments. I probably would have bought these awesome shorts for nothing. But, I won't ponder that too much. I'll just write this shorts wearing summer 2014 as a triumph and a victory! One more step to walking in freedom and confidence as a good enough… white girl! 

If you can relate to this in some way, what I want you to know is… 

Haters gonna hate. 

Seems simple enough but I know its not. 

So whether its your eyes, hair, nose, chin, feet, whatever! I pray that you get set free girl! I pray that you rock those sandals with confidence. My hope is that you try that eye shadow you have wanted to try or you get that hair cut you've been to afraid to get and that you love every minute of it. The journey may be long but I pray that you find joy along the way. They say life's too short, so rock that outfit you've been dying to wear and walk in confidence. 

Five Minute Friday with Lisa Jo Baker || Begin

There was a time when I often linked up for Lisa Jo's Five Minute Friday and I sadly got away from the practice. And so to commemorate Lisa's passion, love and dedication I am linking up with her last hosting of Five Minute Friday. She is passing the torch to Kate Motaung. You can read more about Five Minute Friday and the changes here. 

FMF prompt is : Begin

I am not always happy about the changes that come with beginnings. I like predictability, routine and comfort. But beginnings are inevitable. 

I typically look at them as endings. I am what some may call a pessimist. But God has been stirring things inside my soul, changing me from the inside. Like only a Heavenly Father can. 

So I will try to focus on the beginning, not the ending.

I guess you could say I will begin with beginnings. 

There comes a time in ones life where they must choose. 

Will I go down this dark and dreary path looking like a life of acceptance and apathy? 

Or 

Will I choose this hard path? 

The one where I wake up everyday and choose joy & freedom!

The one where complacency is no longer acceptable.

The one where the seemingly mundane is beautiful.

The one where I take a step of faith, put myself out there and serve. 

Because believe me, those things are hard. 

It's easy to roll over and feel sorry for yourself; it's hard to fight against the enemy of your soul. 

Today I begin.

I begin to choose joy when everything seems bleak. 

I begin to choose freedom when the enemy's lies get a foot hold.

I begin to choose stepping out of my comfort zone when I want to stay in my shell.

I begin to choose to see the beauty in the day in and day out drum of life.

I begin to choose prayer and gathering and ministry over shutting myself in. 

What will you begin on this Friday?

Grief is a Strange Friend

I saw a picture posted by my great-nephew of his father's grave site. In a split second I was overwhelmed and holding back tears because the ache swelled up in my heart. 

Grief is a strange friend.

I could picture it all. The moment I found out, the sinking feeling. The confusion. The anger. The shock. It all came flooding back. We lost him about 7 years ago just a month before his 27th birthday... 27th birthday... Typing that out makes it so real.

Grief is a strange friend.

When I settle in for the night I make sure my cell's not on silent. I use it as an alarm. But that action, every night I do it, reminds me of my dad. 

Grief is a strange friend. 

The morning my dad was taken to the ER my phone was on silent. I fell asleep before I could switch it over. Five missed calls at 5:30 am. My heart sank. 16 hours later I was refusing to believe that my dad was dying, pulling it together with just enough time to play his favorite song for him and watch his heart stop beating. That action, brings back that flood of fear, sadness, anger, confusion and disbelief.

Grief is a strange friend.

Then there are the ways it comforts. Pushing myself to finish that long walk. Because I can hear my dad's voice. Watching my boys grow up and seeing each little quirk or resemblance of the man they take after. The fact that I have my dad's hair, eyes and quiet spirit. 

Grief is a strange friend

The goofy stories I could tell of my nephew. The way we acted like brother & sister. The smile that comes when I think about how he drove me crazy and then I remember I'd give anything to have that back. 

Grief is a strange friend. 

So as we approach Memorial Day these two men are the ones I remember with an aching that will not be filled until I meet my maker. Two men that left this earth too soon for my liking and for reasons I don't need to know, because grief is a strange friend.

There are several others I miss that are near and dear to my heart. I remember them today too. The imprint of their legacy they left on my life. My grandparents, the most, two pillars of faith who I am certain prayed for my destiny. I certainly wouldn't be where I am without them! 

If you are grieving too, I encourage you to share here in the comments, the way you think grief is a strange friend. How it just pops up out of no where sometimes. And how you carry on without the ones you miss so bad it's hurts sometimes. And I want you to know that it's ok to have a good cry, I just did. Tears bring healing, this I know. And I'm thinking of you today friends :) 

Sometimes Moms have Headaches

An open letter to the grocery store cashier…

Dear well meaning cashier man,

Sometimes children yell when they are unhappy, want something they can't have, are in transition from one place to the next or sometimes they yell just because they are 3 (read they have only been on this earth for 3 short years). Have you ever yelled when you were overwhelmed? I'm going to bet, yes. 

Also sometimes moms have a massive headache and they are just trying to get home with that one last ingredient because well, dinner still has to be made (headache or not). So, when you see that within 30 seconds she diverted a tantrum from her toddler who only yelled once, what you should really do is high five that momma or give her a pat on the back by smiling and saying "you are doing an awesome job!" 

Because can I tell you that what she doesn't need is a snide remark about how "somebody is not behaving today" And can I tell you that yelling one time and then listening to your mom and coming back around in a matter of one minute, is certainly not misbehaving, in fact I'm pretty sure that would be considered listening. At least this momma of a 3 year old considers that listening. 

What you saw today sir was not an unruly child. What you saw was super mom in action. A mom who didn't know if she would be able to keep her eyes open the whole way home but she did. A mom who still had responsibilities well into the evening that couldn't be put on hold just because she was in pain.  A mom who kept her cool despite the looming activities ahead and the very normal behavior of a 3 year old in transition. Let's just keep it real, normal 3 year old behavior in general. 

I don't blame you well meaning cashier man. But what I could have really used in that moment, was a well done momma, you just keep on keeping on... Go on wich yo bad self! (Was that too much? Nah.) 

Sincerely,

Weary momma today, super mom always

I am thankful that the weariness only lasts through the night but The Lord brings joy in the morning. He is my strength and my portion ~amen!

And to you momma who are reading this and can identify, Go on wich yo bad self ;) 

Disassociation From The Egg

I can't even...

I tried to tell my husband how I was feeling, over the television and my toddler.

"I just feel... I don't know? Like, disassociated from Easter this year"

The conversation didn't get too far, as most don't these days, unless the wild thing is fast asleep all tucked in tight. 

So I stuffed it back down, still searching for meaning. 

I have known Jesus all my life. I know what he did for me and for you... So why do I feel so disconnected from ths Good Friday and Easter that is to come? 

Then I saw this on Instagram. (Sometimes social media is a good thing) 

 

(Image Link)

That's right. Sunday is coming. And... HE GOT UP!

That's right. HE GOT UP! 

And the hope rises in my heart.

I process it all alone in the car on the way to fellowship with some women from Church.

(Image Link)

These lyrics come on the cd that plays in my car. 

Maybe it was the weight of it all. That Jesus suffered and died on the cross. He was beaten and mocked and hung to take my sin and conquer death. The weight, that I still, just can't completely wrap my brain around. That a Savior, a King, could LOVE me that much! 

Maybe it was the commercialism of it all. The fake and phony things that remain to distract. The convoluted meanings and traditions that ultimately take away from such a sacred, life changing history. 

Now, don't get all hip hop hooray oh, up in here. I'm not knocking on the Easter egg hunts. I too will be taking my wild thing to experience that in all it's glory.

But I need to be real here. 

We have a funny way of taking something in Christ's life and twisting it to meet our own standard. 

So maybe I feel disconnected from what we call Easter, the eggs and bunnies and commercialism. 

But this year, today, I am okay with that. 

Because I don't feel disconnected from my Savior Jesus. 

Today we wait. We think the tomb holds his body. We wait just as his disciples did, men and women alike. We wait because tomorrow He gets up. He is resurrected for me and for you. He conquers hell, sin and death so that we can live our eternity with Him. In all of His glory! 

And I am thankful, always thankful for His sacrifice and power! 

Jesus paid it all. All to him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain and He washed it white as snow. 'Jesus paid it all' -Elvina M. Hall, 1865 

Learning to Be a Boy Mom

I had decided to take a nap while the little one napped, so when my oldest came through the door after school I was still asleep in my bed. I heard Max's little voice call out to his bubby and they not so quietly crept through my door. Both hopped into my bed and the the 13 year old said "Wanna go to the park Max?" I groaned in response, "Ok, you said the word so you have to take him"…  I didn't mean it.

After a little coaxing I rolled out of my bed and we proceeded to the park.

I tend to be a selfish person. If I had had my choice I would have snuggled up in my bed with the 3 year old during his post nap sleepiness and we would have laid there just a little while longer. But I knew it was a gorgeous day out and we had been cooped up in this dark house all the live long winter days.

I left the piled up for days dishes in the sink and calculated how long I could put off making dinner so that I could just 'be' at the park with my boys. We trekked down the block and made our way to the little blessing of a playground and creek so close by.

I watched from my seated position. He searched for the biggest three rocks he could find and threw them as hard as he could into the creek. I called out to him, "Great job, buddy!" He turned with the biggest smile not knowing that I was watching him.

I swallowed my selfishness and tossed the frisbee back and forth with Q. I just keep noticing all the little ways my teen boy is becoming a man. He makes fun of the way I throw a frisbee but he still asks me to play.

As we left the park to return home, my heart was full.

I tried to stuff down all the past memories that filled me with guilt. You see, I wasn't always this kind of mom and if I am honest, most days I am still not. For one I am not really an outside person. When I was younger and raising my older son, my dad was the goto for outside playtime. I was good for coloring and drawing and playing inside, but outside? No,  I wasn't a big fan of outside. Some where along the way I think I realized that I couldn't always just rely on my dad. So as Max neared the age where I knew I would start hearing "Let's go outside mommy!" I decided it was time to buck up soldier! I made an unspoken promise to myself and maybe even to my dad that I would get outside more. Boys love to go outside and dig in dirt, skip rocks and splash in puddles, so it was about time I accepted that I was and will forever be a boy mom.

Learning to be a good enough mom on top of being a boy mom has been quite the journey for me. It has pushed me farther than I could ever imagine. And it has fulfilled me in ways I would never imagine.

Now I am here. Parenting a 13 year old and a 3 year old boy and some days, well, most days I really have no idea what I am doing. But I can say I am learning to love being a boy mom.

I sit back sometimes and just watch the two of them and my hearts swells so much it feels like it just might burst right out of my chest. I have heard it said that you are exactly the kind of parent your kid needs, that is why God chose you and it is about time I start owning up to that.

***I write my story to process and try to work out this life. I don't have all the answers and don't always get it right. But I am learning how to live in confidence, give grace freely and love more deeply.***

Daily Meanderings, Comings and Goings...

My mind goes about a mile a minute typically. I am quiet in the process though, sometimes confiding in one or the other but always with a trusted One. So I sit down to write it out and my mind, it just goes blank. I actually think that it is a form of stage fright. Every body else in blog land is better then I. They all have something to offer. A handmade business, printable, recipes, DIY's etc. etc. I act like I want 10,000 readers but the thought of THAt actually scares the crap out of me. Heck, having only one reader scares me. Why? Because I am insecure when it comes to writing.

I have grown significantly over the last two years. I have become more confident in many areas of life, marriage, parenting, socially, spiritually, professionally… but this writing thing, not so much. I don't struggle so much with confidence in my real everyday life anymore. But this online life I pretend to build. Yep, I struggle in the confidence department here.

So, as I was processing through this trickle of insecurity I asked myself, 'If I don't have recipes, DIY's, handmade craftings, etc. to offer this online world, what do I have to offer?' And the only thing that settled in my heart was Honesty. For the most part, I don't know how to be anything but honest. Sure, I am human, I bend the lines here and there, exaggerate a little or downplay often, try to get out of stuff without being 100% truthful. It happens to the best of us. But in my heart of hearts, I am pretty honest.

There is this line though. It is the Internet after all. Being honest means exposing myself, and thats opening a big can of insecurity there. Exposing myself to the global world! What? Why would anyone want to do that. Honestly, from where I sit right now, I don't know why people come here to expose themselves. But I do know when people are brave, brave enough to tell their stories, others are encouraged, built up and made hopeful. Reading others stories, lifted me out my depression after Max was born. And that is really why I write. To encourage, build and give hope.

But I get all squirmy because I don't have thousands of followers, or a blogging conference or products to sell you. Every time I come here to write something tells me that I have to have those things. Only the cool kids have blogs with thousands of followers, tutorials, grand ideas and giveaways. That is what keeps me from coming to this space. Insecurity. I am not a cool kid.

But why does that mean I can't come here and write my heart out? Why does that mean my blog isn't important?

It doesn't. And I know that.

Now, I just need to believe it.

So when you come here, you probably won't find an ground breaking DIY or the tastiest recipe. But you will find my heart, my real, honest, grace seeking heart.

I apologize for being gone so long… It's April already, did you know that? I am back now. And I hope to get a little more serious about this here space. Not too serious though ;)

Blessings to you!